So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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