I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
they need to just BURY HIM!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
