Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
