I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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