So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
