The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drake has all the answers
I'm always down for nudity.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
