i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
