I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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