I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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