I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
