Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
