maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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