Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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