"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He passed out mid-signature
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
