This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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