i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
