Say something about gay babies.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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