we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
