I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
