im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
