if you like me you must not know who I am
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
