Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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