babies were throwing up all over the place
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
