3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
