I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
