R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
