ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
