I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
