I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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