Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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