He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
