Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
