there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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