You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
