Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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