brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
