she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
