how can u be prego again
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
