Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
