I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
