did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
