I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
