That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
