She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
