yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
