Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
