I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
