Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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