i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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