the condom got lost in my hair
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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