discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
